we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
