we have pet lesbian snakes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
