Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
