I just saw a hot homeless man
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
