at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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