went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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