I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
