i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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