I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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