He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
