I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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