i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
