he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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