so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
