One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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