i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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