she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
