Your face is a jimmy john
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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