Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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