no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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