Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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