Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
