Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
