He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
