i was born a porn star she said
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
