Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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