If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
