PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
