I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
