Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
