Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
