Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
