Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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