it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
