Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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