Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Shame - the story of my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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