Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
