In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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