Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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