Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
