Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
