so that wasnt chicken after all
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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