so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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