Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
