Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
