i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
