Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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