I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
