Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
