what day is it and did you see me today?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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